Something So Human
by Potential
Summary: Willow is faced with something she couldn't have imagined happening to her... Something more human than she can deal with -Maybe everything's not so human ater all...


AUTHOR: Potential  
  
RATING: G  
  
SPOILERS: None... Set in an alternate Buffy season  
  
FEEDBACK: Okey dokey - Just please don't be too cruel!  
  
DISTRIBUTION: Just ask me... I'll be both flattered and willing to oblige!  
  
NOTE: This is chapter one... At the moment things are looking very W/T like but this fic isn't generally based around them, although it has its moments ... (Sometimes it's hard to drag myself away from writing about them: My favourite Buffy couple) But chapter two has a different feel altogether.  
  
  
  
CHAPTER ONE - Needing You Now  
  
I walk into the room, slowly and unsurely. I know what I have to say, but how? That's the conundrum - How can I tell this burden to somebody, and to make things worse, this isn't just somebody. I would do anything to protect Tara from what I have to tell her. Something so human. Something so weak. Something I could never imagine happening to me - But it did happen to me. And it's still happening, and it would always continue to happen until something's done. And nothing can be done before I tell  
  
"... Tara?"  
  
Tara looks up from her book.  
  
"Hey..."  
  
she yawns, never was one for staying up late! I sit down on the bed, uncomfortable, but in a secure way.  
  
"Something wrong?" ...  
  
Tara can always tell if something's wrong, and boy was it wrong. Everything was wrong now. But how could I tell her? Above anything, I want to protect Tara from hurt... But now, it seems like impossible.  
  
"I was just hoping we could ..."  
  
There I pause, what? Talk? ... I guess that's the only way I can put it.  
  
"...Talk... I need to - to talk!"  
  
She sits up, the bed shifts just a bit.  
  
"What about?"  
  
the tone of her voice, always a giveaway of worry.  
  
"Oh, there's nothing wrong as such ... Just ..."  
  
She looks at me, unimpressed, she can read me like a book!  
  
"Willow?"  
  
... Tears well up in my eyes  
  
"I - I was at the doctor's... On - On Wednesday ... You know, with the headaches and stuff -"  
  
I can see a wincey bit of alarm in her face.  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't say anything... I just, I, I didn't think it'd be important..."  
  
I become more nervous by the second. What if she's angry? I never thought of that.  
  
"Was it? ... What happened?"  
  
Now I'm getting worried - Do I just... Tell her straight out? Guess so...  
  
"Well, I - The doctor sent me to the hospital for a blood test and just... You know, things like that! And they... They thought there might be something wrong..."  
  
I just know I can't hold them in forever, pesky tears, always make things harder.  
  
"Willow?"  
  
She whispers under her breath.  
  
"Sorry... Well, then, later they sent me for a - a CAT scan and ... they found something"  
  
There I stop. The concern on Tara's face turns to sheer fear.  
  
"W-What did they find?"  
  
Almost everything she now seems like a whisper... Maybe she's just as frightened as I am.  
  
"A tumor... They, they, found a tumor, Tara...It all happened so fast and..."  
  
I sigh tearfully... Her face softens and tears form in her eyes too.  
  
"What? ... Why didn't you say anything?"  
  
I know why, but, is being too scared a valid excuse? I wonder if she'll understand?  
  
"I was scared... From the beginning, I was just scared - I - I would have said something but I was ... I was too afraid"  
  
The tears are winning... And they fall - She looks at me, full of sympathy and love... But overall, full of fear... Just like me, I think.  
  
"Of me?"  
  
She whispers again, in all honesty, I'd prefer if she shouted... It's making things harder, but ... I know she's upset too, that's only natural.  
  
"Not of you - I was afraid that if I... If I told you, things would start happening... Changing and... I don't want anything to change - And, I mean, this really isn't fair on you!"  
  
We make eye contact, the first time in this conversation I would say, and I like it. Always makes things someway better...  
  
"...What happens now?"  
  
She asks me... I laugh a bit... Seems hardly funny, but I really need to - But of course, more sobs make their way out during my fix of laughter ...  
  
"What happens?"  
  
I spurt out between outbreaks of tears...  
  
"- I wish I knew... 'Cause the obvious makes itself pretty clear right now!"  
  
Listen to me... I'm not even making sense anymore.  
  
"Obvious equals: Big operation, apparent 'success' and then... Big shocker... Bye bye Willow!"  
  
I feel as though I'm transforming our bed into a pool at this very moment... I wish I could just stop crying, I know I'm upsetting Tara even more by sobbing and that but I just can't stop - At that second she takes me into her arms, things seem that little bit better, as they always do when Tara holds me...  
  
"Shh... It's okay..."  
  
And now, she's crying too. Not in any way as hysterically as I am but still - I can feel the tears ever now and then. I start to dry up a bit... My body has ceased to shake and I know that soon the wetness on my cheeks will dry. I sit up in the bed. She runs her hands up and down my arms, knowing full well that that'll make me feel calmer -  
  
"I'm sorry..."  
  
I sniff... She smiles at me... Looking a little less upset now herself...  
  
"It's okay, honey... Everything will be okay!"  
  
I smile back at her, never resisting the opportunity - And things seem that little bit better. She pulls me into a hug... One which I really was waiting for, for a while. And it's lovely, she's always so warm... I cuddle into her closer and I know I'm welcome, I'm always welcome... But now, more than ever, I needed her there. - And she is there, and I know she always will be. - I look up, look at her, eye to eye and she wipes my cheeks that still haven't dried off. She kisses me on the forehead and I feel so unbelievably safe and protected... But still, nothing can protect me from what I have to go through - Nonetheless, at least I know she's there... And always will be- No matter what comes my way... A smile spreads across her face...  
  
"You think way too much..."  
  
I return the smile, and manage to giggle a bit too... And I agree - I do think too much... But now... I just need to stop thinking for a while... Switch off ... I lay into her again. I worry about tomorrow... About telling Xander and Buffy and Dawn... I shudder, the mere thought making me uncomfortable - But that's tomorrow... Tomorrow is tomorrow and it'll just have to wait... 


End file.
